Helicopter parents redux!

Now here is the disclaimer.

Everything I write in this blog is true, has happened, just no one’s name or at least there real name is used. If you think this is about you, or your child, please, it’s pure coincidence, that, or you are narcissistically vain.

Things are detailed as they involve my child and his day to day happenings. Nothing is fabricated, made up. No artistic licence is used to make the blog longer, funnier, more offensive or in-depth.

These things have happened.

I’m just not afraid to write about them!


Now the post.

This post, originally caused fucking mayhem at school. But just like Colonel Kurtz, let’s give it another go, and deal with the outcome the only way I know how.

By not giving a fuck anymore!

So, at Magoos school, there is a very tight knit, cult like group of parents.

Everyone has a chance to be part of this group, but probably like me, don’t have the right chromosomes or the inclination to join a cult.

Anyways, we will get back to them later.

I think the school Magoo goes to is amazing. Let’s just get that out there.

He has had an amazing education there so far. In our eyes, he’s thriving. He has a fantastic little group of friends and his teachers are good.

Some are alot better then others, but hey, I’m no teacher, what would I know.

Some of these things that have happened, have been spoken about to family members and very close friends, who also just happen to be teachers and in the education industry.

Some are new to teaching, some are harden veterans, while others are at the end of there careers. Some are governors (not at Magoos school). Some are head teachers. Some are specialist teachers, but all have the children’s safety and education in mind.

So I’ve got a broad spectrum of the views and opinions of other teaching professionals on my side.

Some even as far off as the other side of the world…..stick that in your hay and smoke it Mofos.

Now let’s gets back to the Redux part.

I wrote a beautiful piece on helicopter parents in general, and with some description of the ones I have the misfortune to interactract with at Magoo’s school.

The post had an overview of what Mumsnet, of all places, was using as a description to the wider world, of what a helicopter parent actually was.

I think the day after, or a few days after this post when live, I received an email from Magoo’s school, asking me to stop writing my blog.

But more importantly, I think the helicopter parents had complained to the school, and the governors, many of them being members of the village where the school is. Odd that.


In the original post I had mentioned no names, just brief descriptions of the sort of helicopter parents, we as normal parents have to face..

To help, here is the official description of what a helicopter parent is defined as, plus the main #hash tags used, thanks to the Urban dictionary.

A parent who is overly involved in the life of their child. Then tend to hover over their every movement and decision. Often times they take control and do tasks on their behalf. They also enjoy broadcasting the details and events of their child’s life to anyone who will listen. Helicopter Parents do not ease upwith age, in fact as the child grows up the tighter their grasp becomes.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Where are you going, what are you doing, where is your life going?”
My child would never do something like that.”
“Oh, I just have to tell you what my daughter did…”
“Can I come too?”
“I wish Laura would shut up and stop talking about her daughter – what a helicopter parent.”

Now, we have a shit load of these at Magoos school.

And the school has under 80 kids there.

So as you can imagine, they stick out like a ginger haired kid in a Fillipino sweat shop!

The parents that is.

Off the top of my head, I can think of at least 20……20 helicopter parents out of a potential 80 ish candidates. And that’s just the mom’s.

I have rarely come across any helicopter parents who are dad’s. Maybe 3 or 4 I can think off. But for them, it’s a status thing, as it is with all helicopter parents!

And no, that’s not me being sexist.

Most helicopter parents I’ve enquired about, are female, mom’s, but not so much grandparents and grandmas.


But that’s what I’ve found out.

We have the ones who think they are very highly thought of in the group and playground, but who are known to be very scary, nasty even.

Like Angelica from the Rugrats!

They make most people feel uneasy and a little inadequate.

When really, they are the ones who are being mean and isolating people. But they will never think that about themselves for one moment, as these are the most vain and narcissistic of the spectrum.

These are the top tier of helicopter parents. The Uber helicopter parent.

You then have the ones who try as hard as possible to be the best helicopter parent they can.

But they just can’t bring themselves to be complete arseholes, as they know, deep down, what they are doing doesn’t feel right, but need to keep in with the top tier members.

They are 75% helicopter, and 25% normal, well as normal as a parent can be.

We then have the ones on the outside, trying desperately to become the top tier, or even mid tier helicopter parents!

They try to attend, help out, be there and volunteer as much as they can, but never as much as what’s needed to join the inner circle.

These are the bottom tier helicopter parents. The try hards.

These helicopter parents are normally really nice.

The lower tier ones I mean.

Never two faced, always lovely and nice with the rest of the parents, but can still be seen trying to join the poisonous sister hood of Macbethian mom’s.

You then have the sub level of helicopter parents.

These are called NORMAL parents.

Thebeanspoonerswife and I fall into this category.

These parents drop there kids off at school, say hey and hi, to the parents they know, wave at a few others, and then vanish for the day.

They then collect there kids at home time, when they do the same again.

Say hello to the parents they know, and then wave bye to the kids and parents they see and know, and then vanish off home.

These are the ones we like, these are our people.

You then have another set of parents that we fall into.

The parents of kids who do the entire wrap around care part of school, due to parents having work for the day.

Magoo gets dropped off early, and collected late. Lots of kids do this, it’s called parenting, and winning.

For some, like us, it’s the only option. But hey, kids come first don’t they.

So the tight knit group at Magoos school I mentioned earlier.

This group is amazing.

Not in a good amazing way, just amazing.

It’s like watching a heard of wilderbeast all move together, then waiting, then moving again, as they are scared of doing something to upset anyone within this sacred circle.

It’s made up of SOME pretty nice people.

I say some, loosely, as I can count them on one hand.

These parents are the pinnacle of what it is to be a helicopter parent.

Now, some of this group work, some do not.

Some are amazing at what they do for the kids at the school, some are not.

Some, juggle full and busy lives, and still manage to get everything done, again, some do not.

I’d say apart from the ones I can count on one hand, the others like to meddle as much as possible in there own child’s lives, and also try to in the schools day to day running, so in turn, meddling in other kids lives.

Even though they will not perceive it this way.

The sort that live vicariously through there child, and don’t let them live properly.

You know, as a child.

They are a very intimidating force on the school playground, even though we are all supposed to be welcomed to there group.

Imagine the village in Hot Fuzz, Sandford, and the town’s councils saying, For The Greater Good.

This is the image this close knit group of Uber parents sums up for me when I unfortunately think of them.

When my parents came down to visit last year, they took Magoo to school and collected him a few times.

My mother, who has over 25 years of teaching experience, mentioned that you get groups like this in every school, and she said even now, she can’t work out if the are a positive or a negative.

My father on the other hand, pointed out, as they were unfamiliar faces on the playground, not only did they get very odd looks from everyone else, but a group of hoity toity snobby mom’s kept looking oddly at him, like they should go over and introduce himself.

I’m glad he didn’t, for there sake!

He said he didn’t expect this from a quaint, small village school and that they could all go fuck themselves!

The apple falls straight from that tree I tell you!

Now before anyone jumps to any assumptions, that is my father’s opinion.

Also, I can imagine strangers would get very odd looks, as indeed, child safety comes first.

We dont want a local Madeline McCann case on anyone’s hand.

So if anyone wants to come back with that as a reason for there actions, we have you covered.

But this is what helicopter parents are to me.

I let my child be that, a child.

If we can make it to school for certain events, we do, or at least try our best, what we don’t do, is turn up for every single little thing that goes on.

Kids need to be kids.

No parents around.

Let them mess about, scream, shout, be stupid, without the back of the mind thought that a parent is lurking somewhere.

Kids need to be kids.

One final note.

To all helicopter parents.

At school performances, try not to sit on the front row EVERYTIME.

Other kids like to see there own parents at the front sometimes.

But hey, maybe that’s just what happens at Magoos school!

Enjoy your day people.

Don’t forget to complain if you feel that vain about this post.

Don’t forget, no names mentioned.

And to the everyone else….good luck with your own helicopter parents.

Just remember, at secondary school level, I doubt that many parents will or do, stand for there types of shit!


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