Doctor Doctor

Now, before anyone judges me, this post is based on a very recent experience at my own doctor’s surgery.
It does in no way mean I am being negative about doctors, nurses, or the NHS.
If anyone knows me, I owe my angelic, sarcastic child to the NHS and the glorious neo-natal nurses of Cornwall, who I will be forever indebted too.

So for a few weeks now, I’ve still been suffering the after affects of the bug that Magoo gave thebeanspoonerswife and myself.

I’ve not been feeling right.

So I thought the sensible thing was to book a doctor’s appointment.

Our doctor’s surgery is in town. We live 2 villages over. It’s a ballache to get to, always runs late, and sometimes its pot luck which doctor you get.
Now being a typical man, I like to see the same doctor I’ve seen for the past 12 years.

Thing is, he’s one of these doctors that in high demand.

He’s a senior partner, a boss. But he’s also an air ambulance doctor, and seems to be all over the shop, but he’s a top bloke, very understanding, and knows not just us, but myself very well.

So I don’t mind making the effort to book an appointment on the days he’s in, or I know he might be around.

The village we live in, the average age is that of a walnut. A very old walnut. We live next door to a Sunday school, and a church.

Once a week, my doctor’s, hold a surgery in the Sunday school.

Right next door to my house!

So, with a few days foresight, I called my doctor’s to book an appointment.

Nope, nada, fuck, no chance.

First hurdle……

The receptionist who answered the phone.

Now, it may be different at your doctor’s, but at ours, its pot luck who you get.

They range from evil, queen of the witches, to sweet and lovely.

I got Cruella de Villes evil sister.

I politely asked for an appointment two days in advance, as it wasn’t urgent, and I needed to talk to my doctor about a few issues.

This is where the fun started.

The receptionist, who I know from years of being a patient, is undoubtedly one of the meanest people I’ve ever spoken to.
Face to Face they are even more scarier.

So the battle commenced!

Why did I need the appointment, what did I need to talk to the doctor about, was it urgent, what was the problem?

Now the receptionist may have medical training, but I very much doubt they have a medical degree and years of practising medicine.

So, I politely informed them that I had a problem with one, just one of my testicles, and that I had a problem going for a pee, as it felt like I was peeing molten lava. I also added that the tip of my dick was swollen for now apparent reason and was causing me little to no pain.

They went very quiet.

I then asked for the appointment to be at the Sunday school surgery next door to my house.

I was abruptly told no.

I sounded contagious, and the age range that went to that surgery were more susceptible to illness and they couldn’t chance that….!

What, some old dear it old bloke is going to catch an inflamed bollock and and a swollen, painless dick!?

I need to point out, very clearly here, that I have none of those symptoms. I needed to talk to the doctor about some mental health issues I have and I really need my blood pressure checking.

The receptionists always makes me feel uncomfortable asking me loads of personal medical questions, so I always say I have some sort of embarrassing problem, as talking about these things, does not infact bother me.

So I asked again why I couldn’t be seen 50 yards from my front door.

I was again politely, but a little more sternly told no, I don’t fall into the age range category for that surgery drop in centre  to book an appointment, and again told I sound contagious.

Honestly….what a load of bollocks!

I was told I could have an appointment at the main doctors surgery, but I needed to phone the morning of the day I wanted the appointment.  I chuckled.  As I bet my doctor’s is like yours.

You call at 8.30 am when they open, on the day you’d like the appointment, only to finally get through after what seems like hours of trying, to be told all the appointments had gone for the day.

How?

Why?

When?

You can’t book an appointment in advance you are told,  so when has 8-10 hours of appointments been booked, as they have only just opened.

It boggles my mind!

So, after repeatedly telling the receptionist I would like to book an appointment with my doctor, I was refused one next door to my house.

I declined one at the main surgery, as it defies the point.

Argh.

Is your doctor’s like this?!

Are all doctor’s receptionists taught by age old SS officers!?

They must be, that or there is a training school for jumped up, annoying receptionists who think they are Medical doctors!

Makes my blood boil.

Maybe I should have said that was one on my symptoms!

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