Trigger….not just the Lone Rangers friend.

So, as of today, it’s been a few weeks since not feeling myself.

Not as in the touchy feely feeling myself, as in the, I feel like shit, what bug have I been given this time, type of way.

I have alot of time on my hands.

Bruce as per normal, is being my partner in crime, and also my grounding rod. Hobbes on the other hand, is being a total bellend.

The house next door, which happens to be one small and one medium sized cottage, is in fact one entire cottage. Which just happens to be owned by our landlords as well.

On the join of both roofs, there is a seagulls nest. Now, seagulls are a protected bird. You can’t just destroy the nest, and tell the seagulls to fuck off.

I wish I could.

Anyways. This nest is freaking big. Think the alien queen’s nest out of Aliens, and it’s about that size.

Now Hobbes is a cat. A small black and white cat. He’s about 7 or 8, I forget his exact age. He’s a cretin. A 100% dead cert wanker.

But, he’s the best stalker, ninja and killer there is. I mean it. I’m not saying it as he’s our cat, I’m saying it as I’ve seen, and lived through the things he’s killed.

He once killed 4 rabbits before 8am one morning…..the rest of the day was a fucking bloodbath…..it must have been a full moon.

But back to the seagulls and the nest.

Hobbes has always had a thing about birds.

Watching them, stalking them, killing them. I suppose as a cat, it’s in his DNA, his structure, to not only be a prick, but a killer. He excelled at both, but the killer part, just tops the being a prick part.

He’s currently chilling out, owning and sleeping on Magoo’s bed.

But this morning he was being his usual wanker self.

Not only does he enjoy the stalking and killing of birds, he especially has a thing for seagulls….call it his fetish, so to speak.

Well for the past few weeks, while this nest was fully under construction, he had taken it upon himself to case it out.

I’ve caught him numerous times on the fence or wall, doing some reconasence work, like a WW2 sniper stalking an enemy.

As soon as the seagulls had landed and started nesting, he seemed to have upped his game.

Now these seagulls are fucking huge. Like birds on steroids.

And for some reason, our cat has decided to fuck with them, and there un cracked eggs.

He knows what he’s doing. He’s finding the lay of the land before the eggs crack.

He’s like a smack head waiting for his next fix, or the methadone prescription wanker at the chemist, waiting, but twitching…..waiting!

So I need to Google how long seagulls sit on their eggs before they crack and the little fuckers start making shit loads of noise. Something they do anyways, so I’m just assuming it will be ten times worse when they have young birds.

Now, I dont condone the cat killing anything, but he’s a cat for fucks sake. I don’t like seagulls with a passion, so in theory, don’t want to see any get killed…..but it’s nature….so time will tell.

That or Hobbes will get bored and just go and ninja slaughter everything.

I’ll keep you updated.

While writing this post I’ve also been checking some random things out.

The trigger words for my posts.

Not hashtags, as to me, those seem narcissistic and fucking stupid.

But actual key trigger words.

So far I’ve found, school, skool, governors, helicopter, parents, kids, classroom and mom’s.

I can see a bit of a trend here, can’t you.

Get a grip.

I’ll keep you posted about the seagulls and the cat.

Also if I find out anymore trigger words.

To be honest, I’m waiting for an email again asking me to delete, censor or re word a few posts…..nope!

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