Men……And taboo subjects.

So, as a man, what are taboo subjects that we aren’t allowed to talk about, write about, or even mention!?

You would initially think things like gender equality, race, religion, boobs, periods, the menopause, fake boobs, lip implants, premature ejaculation or even our sex habits.

Most of those, if not all, I would say most people aren’t that fussed about mentioning, as I know I’m not.

What about men crying, showing their feelings, speaking their minds and a big taboo subject, men’s mental health.

I’m going to be overly honest when mentioning these. So hold tight.

Gender.

Now this used to be a hot topic. You have a penis, your male, you have a vagina, you are female. But not so much anymore. Females into males, males into females, men having babies, females with no boobs and a cracking beard….it confuses the fuck out of me. Before anyone pipes up, it does not, in anyway shape or form, upset or disgust me. I get it, I think. You need to be YOU to be happy. And I get that more than anyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m exceptionally happy I’m male.

You know, hair sprouting out of everywhere, then loosing it in certain places, my voice changing, having to shave my face (I don’t), being able to stand up to pee, or sitting down if I fancy a treat. But, if I wasn’t happy, I’d like to think I could change that, and that is what’s happening for people these days…and that’s a good thing! You need to be happy.

Equality.

Not this is a big thing for me. I was brought up in a house with more females than males. There was never any doubt, everyone did everything. No gender specific jobs, just get on with it all. This is also a touchy subject for me. thebeanspoonerswifes used to do a job that was prodominatly a man’s job, in a man’s world. She used to get treated differently, less of an equal, and also paid alot less as she was the only woman. She struggled for years to make a point of saying she was equal, even better than her co.workers, must alas, it fell on deaf ears. He boss at present is out numbered. He has more females than males working for him on a day to day basis, no one cares as they are a team. Everyone gets treated the same, as it should be.

We are bringing Magoo up that way.

Doesn’t matter what, we are all equal. That’s what we both believe, and he does too. Just because he’s a boy, doesn’t mean he can’t do things that are classed solely for girls.

He’s 7, so for a start, doesn’t give a shit. We are just making sure he knows not to give a shit, and be happy!

Race.

This is another bullshit topic. It’s the same for me as equality. I’m from Birmingham originally, and spent nearly a decade living in Derby. Both cities are multicultural. So if you didn’t like all the different races, you were shit out of luck. I’ve always just gotten on with stuff. Embraced different races where I can, a person, doesn’t matter what race, or colour of skin, is a person….end of.

Religion.

Now, here’s my answer to this.

You choose your own religion. You learn the facts and beliefs and then make a conscious decision if that is for you, if it is, congratulations.

But that is YOUR religion. NOT mine.

YOU can believe what you want, how you want, when you want, just please don’t preach to me, or try and shove it, force it done my throat. People are individual for a reason.

I do wonder is Magoo will ever become religious. He’s fascinated by churches. I can’t work out if it’s the buildings themselves, the outside, inside, or the religiousness itself!? Either way…that’s for him to choose and decide, not us.

Me, I’ve always been, will forever more, be a fascist anarchist.

Boobs.

Are men allowed to talk about boobs? Bra sizes, what and how the fuck do they work them out?! I personally think they should just clump the sizes into extra small, small, medium, large, extra large and so on, until you get to uncontrollable….would make so much more sense.

But honestly. Boobs.

I can imagine they are pleasing for most, hated by some and adored by others.

I know they can create immense joy, but also great sadness.

So if you’re reading this ladies, boobs are boobs, don’t stress too much.

Periods.

Ah periods. I reckon most males reading this will skip down the post a little. Like I said, I grew up in a house full of females. So nothing scares me. I’ve been with thebeanspoonerswife since I was 17. I’ve seen it all….and I mean seen it all.

I’ve had her screaming at me, as she’s gotten her period right before we’ve gone on holiday, or screaming at me as her period is still going strong, like the Nile, for the third week in a row.

Most men including my father, don’t like talking about this, or as some men refer to it, women problems.

I, on the other hand, have no problem.

Most men aren’t that bothered. After this much time with your significant other, you can’t be bothered still, can you?

If you are, get a fucking grip, it’s just human nature, like getting old or growing grey ear hair….it happens!

I have to be honest. There’s nothing more hysterical when buying ladies sanitary products in a super market, without having the lady be with you. The looks and comments you get…. I’ve had over the years….these are for ladies, you know that!? Oh aren’t you caring…..have you bought enough? Did you check these were the right ones before you left the house!? She might need pains killers and chocolate as well!

But come on….it’s a period. I can assume it’s the most annoying thing to happen every month or every so many weeks. But as a man, it’s not happening to us. We aren’t the one bleeding and getting on with things.

If I bled one week out of 4 all year, I’d probably be that grumpy and fucked off as well!

So deal with it men, and be supportive!

The menopause.

My biological, barely mentioned mother has MS. It brought her menopause on early, like when she 40.

The menopause does not scare me. Firstly as I’m male, so technically can’t happen to me (is there such a thing as the male menopause? I’m going to have to Google this!). Secondly, I’m not scared about the whole period thing, so the menopause is just the final nail in the coffin, so to speak.

But however it feels for a woman, men don’t really talk about it. When I was younger is was mainly referenced as , the change.

The change what though?!

Do they change into something?

A fish!? A butterfly?! Money!?

What, what is the change!?

So I never fully understood it all, till it happened at home. Then to people I worked with.

I’m sympathetic to a point. Too much sympathy is you being an arsehole.

So just be there, if and when you are needed.

Fake boobs.

Why!?

Why pump shit into your body!?

I’ve never touched a fake boob, so I’m assuming it feels like a harder, more plastic version of a real one?!

When we first moved to Cornwall, thebeanspoonerswife and I, would sit on beaches and play a game.

We used to love people spotting. You know, just watching people go by, and then make assumptions about them.

Our favourite game, used to be called, real boob or fake boob.

We aren’t sexist, we used to play games aimed at men as well.

We do not, and never will discrimination who we judge!

We mainly used to play this game on the beaches in Newquay, where all the beautiful and fabulous people go. We never used to spot any fabulous and beautiful people, just the randomness that Newquay had to offer.

But back to the game.

We were experts at it.

Thebeanspoonerswifes more than I.

I’ve never understood fake boobs…..are they meant to look natural!?

From a man’s point of view, if you’ve seen boobs, real boobs….then they are real. Seeing a fake boob, would be that, fake…..?!

Or am I missing the point?!

I get some women have them done for confidence issues. And I also get some women get them done for reconstructive purposes.

But I’m on about these women, who when you look at them, have a face full of makeup on, and these massive fake things in the middle of their chests, that don’t move, have no natural movement, they just hold there position, like a guard ready to strike!

Is that the look they are going for?!

Why!?

Lip implants.

This for me is the same as boobs, well fake boobs. I read the other day about a woman, who had had the fat from her bottom and lower back, removed and then injected into her lips….

What the actual fuck!!!!

And it’s not just women, it’s men as well. One guy in this article had had stomach fat removed, then added to his lower lip and jaw line to make him look more defined…! Defined as what!? A square jawed talking arsehole?!

Again, I get it for reconstructive purposes.

But who, I mean who in there right mind wants there arse fat injected into there lips!?

My mind fucking boggles!

Premature ejaculation.

There’s people reading this, thinking oh shit.

It happens.

No matter what any man’s man says, it happens and it happens to us all.

Some, or even most men won’t admit it.

It happened to me when I was about 18 ish. About that time I first started having regular sex. We’d been going out over a year and it just happened…so to speak.

Thebeanspoonerswifes was brilliant about it. We sat and spoke about it, what we were doing and how she could help.

But it happens. But men don’t talk about it. Like it’s something to be ashamed of!

Sex habits.

Come on folks…..no one wants to know how much sex you’ve had, where you’ve done it, what you’ve done. But we all do it.

Some more than others, some differently to others, but we all do it.

If you’ve got kids, then there’s no denying it, unless they are the immaculate conception….

Which I doubt it!

But why are people so afraid to talk about these things? Why?

Are we not free to talk anymore?!

Men’s mental health.

I personally believe that the lack of men being able to cry, show their feeling and speak their own minds is a massive factor into why men don’t mention their mental health to others.

I was taught as a child, very early on, never to cry. Crying shows weakness and no one wants to see weakness.

The first time I cried infront of thebeanspoonerswife, I felt embarrassed, less of a man, and wondered what the hell she would make of it.

What she did, was give me a hug, ask me what was up and tell me it would all be ok.

This is how we are bringing Magoo up. We tell him it’s ok to get upset, to cry. Crying can sometimes be the best relief in the world and it’s nothing to be ashamed of and it doesn’t mean you are weak. It means you are human.

It’s the same as showing your feelings.

It seems that less and less people are doing this, as they fear they will be ridiculed or mocked. And more so, more and more men.

I was shocked while reading an article the other day, about increased levels of male suicides compared to 10, 20 and even 30 years ago.

Is this because men have started to realise that they can fail? That they do fail? And then have no one to talk to?

We go on and on in modern society about gender equality, equality and treats everyone the same.

Well what about men who struggle? Men who can’t sometimes cope? Men that have suicidal tendencies? Men who have, in a few words, bad mental health.

I am one such man.

In the last few years I’ve had a full mental and nervous breakdown.

It was a long time coming, and an even longer time to admit it.

I went for psychiatric evaluation.

While waiting in the waiting room to see a consultant, I felt vulnerable, a failure, like e everyone and anything was watching and judging me. Secretly whispering that I was nuts, that they could see I had cried, I had failed.

But there was no one else in the waiting room. Just me and lots of self help posters, oddly all aimed at women and female sessions. Not a single one aimed at a man, or male sessions.

I’ve been there, done that, had the breakdown, lost gallons of teary water through breaking down trying to explain what’s in my head, and how to cope with it all.

I got the help I needed. The support I needed.

Yet it still seems taboo….

Why!?

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