Anger and control.

Magoo’s had a tough few weeks at school it seems.

I’m using the correct terminology in just this one post, to get my points across.

JUST THIS ONE TIME, SO GIVE ME A BREAK.

When we collected Magoo from his after school activities, both thebeanspoonerswife and I were asked if we could pop up and see his teacher.

Ouch

You automatically go into that mode of, oh fucking hell, what’s he done this time, or what’s happened!?

Turns out he wasn’t in trouble.

He has two teachers, one teaches the first part of the week, the other teaches the last two days.

So something had obviously happened the latter part of the week.

This is written as pure honesty. From a parent (myself), who never sugar coats what his child is like.

Like I’ve said before, I know he can be a shit, an arsehole, a complete little sod.

But he can also be the most amazingly funny, calm, calculated, sarcastic, witty and highly intelligent child.

Like every other child, he has his ups and downs, and he has his good days,and his bad days.

Children deal with different emotions in different ways.

For Magoo, he gets very emotional, very pent up with anger, and sometimes shouts a little, mainly in frustration.

So, his teacher tells us, that she’s has noticed the last few days he hasn’t been himself, and a few other members of staff have mentioned it as well.

No cause for major concern, she is worried something is the matter that he doesn’t want to tell her, so she’s brought it to our attention. Something that I think is brilliant.

I may not agree with some of the things that his school does, or there approach to some things, or even some of the people associated with it, but I’ve always tried to stay as positive about it as possible, and I think there care and approach to all children is second to none. That I am a firm believer in.

So, as his teacher has a quick chat with us, and him, we find out he’s been being a little bit of a dickhead the last few days, and he’s been getting a little angry and shouty, in his own way.

He does, as I expected start to get upset, as by the looks of it, he assumes he is in massive trouble, when really, everyone involved is trying to help him, and help him understand ways in which to cope with whatever is going on.

His teacher puts alot of effort into all of the children, and it’s nice to be notified of this behaviour, but in a good, moving forward, positive way, if you know what I mean. Not in a scolding of behaviour way.

So, he’s tight lipped while we are talking to his teacher, as I’m assuming he thinks he’s done for. She mentions what’s been going on and how he’s reacted.

It’s decided that we will all have a chat at home ( not with his teacher ), and if we find out anything else, we will email her and take it from there.

We say our goodbyes and head for the car.

He’s hanging onto my hand for dear life.

I sort of feel like I’ve failed as a father, and I can tell thebeanspoonerswife looks like she feels she has failed as a mother.

We have a long chat in the car, and I mean a long chat.

We pull up at home and sit and have an even longer chat, before going inside.

Once home, we start to discuss what’s gone on.

Turns out he’s been being a typical 7 year old boy with his friends.

Just boys being boys some would say.

But in our eyes, that’s not good enough.

Lots of questions are asked, and lots of, just because, answers are given.

So.

He was messing around while going to the loo with his mate, before getting on the coach to go swimming. Messing around to the point of spinning around, jumping around and shouting in general, in a small space, right next to his class room.

Now Magoos’s voice only has one volume. That volume, is tooooooo loud!

So unsurprisingly, his teacher had to have a word with him.

He was in the dinner line, waiting to be served, and was being a nightmare, doing the same thing again, with the same friends, and got shouted at by the people that cover their lunch hall.

He was spoken too about tapping, whacking his friend on the arm.

This is an ongoing occurance.

So all in all, not a good few days.

It turns out as well, everytime he had been spoken too, his friends were doing the same thing. Or doing that kind of thing when they start it, you do it back, they don’t like it, so grass you up.

When that latter happens, Magoo automatically thinks he’s going to get into trouble, so goes into fight or flight mode.

He starts getting wound up, emotional, upset and then starts using his loud voice, mainly in frustration. He’s being trying to work on this for a while.

I think the last few days had had a few more incidents than normal, so had been noticed by a few more people than normal.

This is good though.

Sometimes if things aren’t seen often enough, problems can not be brought to attention, and then be left to become bigger problems.

So.

What to do.

We spoke at great length to Magoo about his behaviour. His anger. How to combat these little loud outbursts.

He did tell us that he gets frustrated easily.

That when others grass him up, or tell on him, it annoys him, as he didn’t do the same thing to them, when it was done to him.

So he gets angry at whoever it is, as he sees it as not fair, knowing he is going to get spoken to about something that not only he, but others have done, and he gets angrier and shouts.

I do understand, we both do.

But we’ve told him this isn’t the way to go about it.

What we have told him is this.

If he doesn’t like being spoken to about anything negative concerning his behaviour, then in the first instance, don’t do that behaviour. It really is that simple.

So I’m a round about way, stop being a cock!

We’ve told him to learn to channel his anger, so he doesn’t get so mad, so angry, so wound up and ultimately end up shouting in frustration.

We also came up with another method, that he seems very happy to try.

You wear an elastic band around your wrist. Everytime you start to feel angry, frustrated, wound up, mad, whatever, you twang the band on your wrist to help you keep focus and to calm down.

He spoke to us both about how bad he feels about being a little shit, and that he doesn’t mean it, and it’s mainly anger from the frustration he is feeling and experiencing.

His behaviour isn’t bad per se. He’s not naughty or nasty, but it’s been noticed he’s not himself.

So the band is to be tried.

He knows when he feels angry or frustrated, two of his main issues, that he has to twang it to get his focus back.

He fiddles with the band all night, while eating dinner and watching TV.

Is he testing it’s breaking point!?

I have a feeling he’s working out how hard to twang it, to get his mind back on track.

But at least he’s willing to give it a go.

The next day, I’ve decided we are going to pop it into practice, so to speak.

You may think it’s cruel, but it’s not.

I spent a good half an hour winding him up.

As a dad, and more specifically his dad, I know just what to do to get a reaction.

The first time, he gets angry, shouts and storms off.

We both speak to him and explain what went on, and what feelings he was having.

We then explain about the band.

He says he’s sorry, but we tell him he has nothing to be sorry about.

Later in the day I do it again, wind him up to the point I know he’s goes to probably kill me…..but I notice he’s twanging his little band on his wrist. Within 15-20 seconds he has calmed down.

Afterwards we both sit down and speak to him about it.

He tells us that twanging the band made him think about what he was doing, and that he needed to calm down.

To stay focused and calm.

So maybe, just maybe, he might be able to get it under control, with this simple method.

You can read this post, think that as parents we can do more, and trust me, as I speak for both of us, we would, and will do anything and everything to help him, as that goes without saying.

He’s a beautiful, kind child, who is mega brainy, but like all children, has little outbursts and sometimes finds it very hard to get his point across and display his feelings.

So fingers crossed this simple thing might make a massive difference to him.

If you see him, twanging the band, don’t ridicule him for it, as he’s really trying his hardest, and we are both proud of him!

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