A cold and quiet morning, 1 man and two children went to sea!

It all started with a trip to the circus. And what a trip it was.

Trapeze artists, jugglers, motorbikes in cages, random high wire acts, a fire breather who then set fire to his whip and started cracking it at the audience, and scantily clad, heaving boobed woman and muscley men!

But enough about the circus…. Well.

We took Magoo and Magoo 2 to the circus, as Magoo loves it, and Magoo 2 was stopping the night as it was a Friday.

We didn’t get home till late, well past both their normal bed times.

By the time they both got changed into their pjs and got settled for bed, it was well past our bed times!

We were all shattered.

Then disaster.

The little pair of shits woke me, just me, up at 5 am! 5 am for fucks sake?

Do kids not realise when they are being little shits!

I politely told them both to go away, and try and get back to sleep as it was so early, and they both agreed they would try.

Off they both went!

I fell instantly back to sleep, but then woke up being prodded in/on my forehead.

They were both standing there, and I could see from Magoos’s face, he knew he had pissed me off. I slyly looked at the clock

5.10 am! They’d tried to get back to sleep for 10 minutes, before deciding coming upstairs to prod me was a good idea!

But now I’m awake!

They were both waffling on about going for a morning swim in the sea. You might think this is crazy, but we live that close to the sea, that during the summer we swim twice a day, where possible, when we catch the tides. Today was such a day, high tides at 5.30 am and around 5-6pm.

Before I got out from under the nice warm duvet, I double checked they both wanted to go….yes they both did.

So by 5.30am, on a blustery Saturday morning, 1 man and two children were off for a swim in the ocean!

All three of us in wetsuits, with towels in hands, we wandered down to the beach. They both threw there towels at me and ran off ahead. Which was honestly fine as I was still getting over the fact, in under 5 mins I was going to be in the fucking sea!

The next thing I heard was a scream!

Magoo 2 had run faster than lightning ahead of Magoo, to get in the sea first. But he had run straight in…..screamed it was so cold and ran out again.

So by the time I got there, there was one child cold and wet, and one child pissing himself laughing at his best friend!

Little pair of shits!

Towels safely stashed on the beach wall, we all went in. Magoo just wondered in, not a care in the world, as I followed. Magoo 2 on the other hand, was a little less enthusiastic. But it was 5.30am, and he’d already had a cold water shock. He slowly, but surely waded in.

Now before anyone panics, we do swim in the ocean, but we are in a semi protected working harbour. When I say working, there’s a handful of fishing boats and a tour boat which mainly operates in the summer. We always take a board with us, for extra buoyancy reasons, as it’s easier for smaller people to not only hold onto, but climb onto if needed, I wear flippers for a bit of extra speed and we mainly take dive masks with us. We know what we are doing.

We are all strong, to very strong sea swimmers.

So while the crazy duo are swimming ahead, I pop my flippers on and sail past them post with the board.

It’s not until we are about 10 metres out, that I see the harbour entrance and the open ocean, which, in all honesty is scary as fuck.

The water is at its highest. The measuring stick on the harbour wall reads a solid 16 feet deep. But with the crazy ocean swells, it’s ranging from 14ft-18ft every few seconds.

So I think to myself, this should be fun.

There is just the three of us.

By the time we get to the further part of the harbour wall, where all the local kids, including my own jump in, I spot a loan surfer zipping himself into his wetsuit, on the opposite side to us

He chucks his board in first, and then follows!

As he surfaces, he spots the boys, then looks round and sees me. We exchange a few pleasantries and a good morning, before he says, if they are jumping off the wall, then they have balls of steel, that or they are stupid!

I can’t agree more!

Off he goes, paddling out into the open ocean.


I turn round and notice they have both hurtled themselves off the harbour wall, and into the freezing sea.

When I say freezing, it’s probably about 5-10 degrees. So it’s cold for me, let alone two 7 year olds.

But they are both typical boys, having fun, and not really giving a shit.

Magoo is a bit more harbour aware than Magoo 2, as he lives here.

Everytime he climbs up the steps, out of the sea, and reaching the top of the wall he’s about to jump off, he takes a quick glance behind him, to check if anything is approaching the harbour entrance.

He knows if it is, it’s my job to have already noticed and be swimming a little further out of its way, and to shout at him to let him know I’ve seen it. If I haven’t, he shouts me.

He’s starting doing this automatically now, as we’ve drummed it into him that much about water safety!

In they go again, and again and again.

There’s no water traffic, no people.

I check the time, and it’s only 6am.

The morning swimmers will be out soon.

A short while after, we all swim about for a bit, as I notice the sea is swelling and rising a little, maybe high tide was later than I thought.

Anyways, the three of us are bobbing around like yellow plastic ducks in a bath!

I look to the beach and see a few people wandering around, all with small kids.

I’m assumimg, as it’s the height of summer, and the mornings are very light, kids are being kids and waking up mega early, and the beach is a good early morning distraction.

One of the handful of little old ladies who swim early mornings in our village, swims past. She says good morning, we talk about the sea being colder and more treacherous, and she asked me what I was thinking bringing two little boys out in all of these conditions. I do make a point of saying they are safe. They are both exceptionally good sea swimmers, and I am here as well.

She sorts of tuts, as she swims off muttering to herself!

You can’t win them all.

It’s then I notice that there are more and more of the usual morning swimmers out.

You do get to know the regular faces. I have to say, Magoo and I are normally the youngest ones out here, me by a few decades, and Magoo by several more!

They all say hello as they go by, and a few wave at Magoo, and he waves back.

One lady jokes and mentioned they have multiplied…..her husband chuckles and wishes me luck!

Old people.

And I say this with the greatest of respect, that some old people have sarcasm and piss taking down to a T and I love them for it!

As I swim away, I start to realise I’m loosing the feeling in my finger tips and my feet. It really is that cold, I turn to see both boys flinging themselves into the freezing sea, not a care in the world. I whistle to get there attention and tell them I’m swimming into shore a little, and they move down the harbour wall, closer to the beach, but still in deep water.

It’s a this point I notice thebeanspoonerswife has made an appearance. She’s sitting on the wall, next to out towels, all wrapped up warm, drinking a tea or coffee!

Cheeky sod!

So I make my way into shallow water, both of the boys have quit jumping in and are swimming towards me. So I stop, and swim back out a little again, thinking they will need some help.

Truth be told, they both look freezing, and shattered. They both grab hold of the board, as I paddle us all back to the beach, and our waiting towels.

They both run out a head of me, hurtling up the beach, shaking and shouting as they are freezing.

As I undo my wetsuit, a cold rush of freezing water enters, instantly regretting what I’ve just done! For fucks sake, you’d think I’d know better.

As I reach them all, both boys have their wetsuits at half mast and are being vigoursly rubbed and tried off with their towels. Both are red faced, but seem a little happier, now they both aren’t freezing their balls off, their words, not mine.

I slide my wetsuit down and wrap my towel around myself as we head home, stomping in the sand, then rubbing our wet sandy feet on the tarmac!

30 cold seconds later we are home.

Both boys strip off in the front garden, and vanish upstairs to get into a hot bath that has quickly been run for them both.

They are still at that age where they think having a bath together is fucking hysterical.

Thebeanspoonerswife goes to sort them out, while I rinse the sand off of their wetsuits, our masks and the board.

Wetsuits rung out and hung up to dry, I wrap a towel around myself and get out of the straight jacket wetsuit. Fucking hell, wet sand against wet cold leg hair is a very, very uncomfortable feeling. Wetsuit rinsed, rung out and hung up, I venture inside.

Bruce has been watching from the door way, and turns to vanish into his pit under the table. Sort of like rubbing salt in the wounds, to say, Ha! Fuck you, I’m covered in fur and now off to sit on my blankets, I’m warm, you look freezing….the ever comforting Bruce!

Both boys have had a quick bath and rinse in the shower, and are getting changed into warm clothes before they sit and eat breakfast. I jump into what feels like the hottest shower on earth……it’s not, but my toes are still frozen.

Dressed in something warm, we all sit and eat breakfast.

That people, will hopefully always serve them right for getting me out of bed early on a Saturday morning. Magoo is saying about next time Magoo 2 stays over, maybe they will sleep a bit longer before getting me up, as that was cold, and his balls are still cold. Magoo 2 agrees, but I can’t work out if it’s in agreement to not wake me up so early, or agreement that he too, has cold balls.


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